When the going gets tough...

it gets really tough.

I had a bit of a hellish experience this summer. You know when something happens that is really out of the ordinary, something that happens that has never happened to you or anyone you know? Something that completely shakes everything you stand on? Like your faith and your beliefs and your idealism and hope for humanity? I had one of those this summer.

During the World Cup in Johannesburg South Africa, there was a bombing in a bar/pub that was showing the game. 73 people were injured. one of them was an American. My friend Nate Henn. He caught a piece of the shrapnel and was killed. Getting the news that my friend Nate had been killed on the news was a new experience too. It's awful, that feeling of helplessness and hopelessness, disbelief, grief and anger.

I loved Nate like a brother. He worked with me at Invisible Children. He was a booking agent with IC and did his job like a pro (well, he was a pro!) He had nearly booked half of my region (or at least made first contact) and so I was well on the way to having everything booked by the time I left for Uganda. And I was completely done with all my bookings thanks to him. When there were problems at the house in San Diego, Nate was quick to coach me through things. He was quick a joke and always willing to listen. I would go sit in his office and just hang out while he and Johannes and I would send our emails to people about sending all their money in for S4S. He stayed with me when his team came through this past spring and they spent at least a week if not more taking over the basement. It was awesome to have him around.

Something he told me and a lot of other people was that he was making it a goal to go to Uganda to see the things that had been happening there thanks to IC. He also wanted to visit his friends who had been Roadies with him. So he achieved his goal.

But what the hell. A bomb is no way to take someone doing so many good things for people he hasn't even met yet. He gave up his life in pursuit of bettering the world through education, compassion and hard work. How can a loving God, take one of his best in such a way? I will never understand why Nate had to go.

I've been struggling with even belief because of this. It's hard to think that Jeremiah 29:11 doesn't seem to hold true here: "For I know the plans I have for you...Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future." Where's Nate's future? Where's the plans God has for Nate? How is a bomb not harmful?

I know I'm looking at this in the eyes of the here-and-now and the physical. God is supposed to have a big plan that I can only see this small part of. I sure as hell hope He knows what He is doing. I guess that is why He has the job and I don't.

If you would like to donate to Nate's fund: Nate Henn's Fund.

If you have lost someone and are looking for comfort, something a friend recently gave me has really helped me to think and understand Nate's passing. Listen to the song "Perfector" by My Epic.

"Death is just a hook behind a door, where I'll leave my dirty clothes"

Thanks for the legacy you leave for me and IC. Everyone loves you. Thanks for being our guardian. Visit me in my dreams often ok? I love you.